Practical Billionairess

How to outfit yourself as a Billionairess for Billionaires for Bush actions!

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Billionaires for Bush is a satirical, do-it-yourself campaign using humor, media and street theater to expose politicians who support the corporate elite at the expense of everyday Americans. "Billionaires For WealthCare" is its most recent manifestation, darlings. The Boston Chapter is currently in resurrection mode.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Special Report: Gown Alterations

As a young lady, I resented it when the Dowager forced me to attend Miss Mary's Finishing School for Young Ladies. But now I know how to alter my beautiful new gowns myself! I could always take my gowns to a tailor shop or dry cleaning establishment for alterations, but my budget was so strained by my recent purchases, that I decided to do the work with my own two hands. Here is a special report on how you can also alter your own gowns!

It is easier to do alterations with a pal such as a sorority sister. You will also need a box of pins, a full length mirror and a smaller hand mirror (if you are doing this alone). You can buy straight pins almost anywhere nowadays, even at drug stores, so don’t fret. Get comfortable in a well-lit, warm room with a bed or table near the mirror for all your tools. It is crucial, as Miss Mary would say over and over again, to keep one’s composure while doing alterations.

First, turn your new gown inside out and take a look at how it is made. Usually, there are two side seams which attach the front of the dress to the back (a seam is just a fancy word for a line of stitching). Sometimes there are darts which pinch the gown in at the waist. Think about where you can make the gown smaller (called "taking it in") or where you can make it larger (called "letting it out"). Look for areas of complicated construction or padding. Generally, unless you have an excellent seamstress handy, you do not want to alter those areas.

Now, turn the gown back right-side out and try it on. Make sure you are wearing the ...um...foundation garments you plan to wear, even the long underwear I mentioned earlier. Seriously, darling, you will absolutely love the long underwear after standing in the cold for hours! Trust me! Stand in front of a full-length mirror and take a hard look. Look for where the gown is loose and/or where it is too tight. Areas which are bunched up or puckered are too tight no matter how much you hate the thought of it! Use the hand mirror to take a look at yourself from the back. Now, take the gown off, turn it inside out again and put it back on! For this next part, you will need the box of pins. With the pins close at hand or in the hand of your friend, stand in front of the full-length mirror again & remember where those areas were that you need to change. If you need to let an area out, take a pin & put it in the seam allowance (or have your friend do it). If you need to take an area in, pin in the gown half of the desired amount on one side & half on the other (or have your friend do it). You can always adjust the actual amounts later. Take your time and don’t fret if you have to re-pin some areas. Eat some bon-bons. Have a martini.

Now take the gown off carefully turn it right-side out again (this is getting exhausting, darling, but think of it as your daily exercise!). Carefully try the gown on one more time and look to see how the gown looks. Make adjustments as necessary. If you don’t have a good enough friend to help and find it too hard to pin the seams yourself, consider using a dressmaker's form or making your own with duct tape ! (http://www.taunton.com/threads/pages/t00002_p2.asp) I understand that it is some silver tape you can buy almost anywhere. Once you have pinned your gown, simply adjust the pins one more time so there are smooth transitions along each seam. Sew along your line of pins by hand or by machine. If you need more help than given here, try searching the Internets with something called Google! There are many websites done by sewing fanatics! One can even learn how to make 17th century Icelandic clothing! What would one do with that, I wonder?